• Help my friends with EVERYTHING. Make them jealous.
• ENCOURAGE your wife to spend your money.
• Carry hand sanitizer in your pockets, and actually use it.
• Just let her do your shopping.
• Don’t be afraid to clean, it’s not scary, and it’s probably all your mess.
• Rub her feet everytime you catch her not standing on them.
• Only participate in fights if you plan on having make-up sex.
• Say goodbye to your independence.
• Keep your nails manicured, and don’t let that black shit accumulate in the cracks of your hands.
• Fix stuff, and don’t fuck it up.
• Remember EVERYTHING, except for the moments where I’m wrong.
• Wash your hands. With SOAP AND WATER.
• Fold the laundry.
• If you have cold feet, don’t even bother getting into bed and touching me until you find a way to warm them up.
• Loosen jar lids without her seeing, so she thinks she’s strong.
• DON’T stand around in the kitchen when she’s cooking. If you’re in, you’re cooking.
• The garage is where you get to store your belongings, but make room for my car.

FYI, this is a joke. Topic chosen by Nats Newts (duh)

• Test your flexibility
• Creep people you don’t like on Facebook
• Text every friend in your contact list
• Have a nap
• Create a blog 
• Make a list of things people should love about you
• Call somebody you know will be busy and see how long you can keep them on the phone
• iTunes shopping spree
• Take nudes that make you look more attractive
• Stare at yourself in the mirror
• Sharpen pencils
• Learn the lyrics to every song in your library
• Pluck instead of shaving
• Go smash something
• Pick fights on a chat room
• Start your Christmas list
• Watch birthing videos on YouTube
• Create abbreviations and acronyms for EVERYTHING
• Masturbate
• Look for holes in your clothes and mend them all
• Snort a noodle up your nose and try to pull it out of your mouth
• Count all your belongings
• See how many times you can write your name with a new pen until the ink runs out
• Create a second identity that makes you look like a better, more interesting person
• Make a macaroni picture