05
May
Someone buy me these please 😍.
01
May
80% of my fb friends need to STFU.
30
Apr
It’s like it was made for me. Haha frick.
04
Jun
I think guys with cuts on their faces are so hot. Like, I love when a guy looks like he just got his ass kicked.
My sister.
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
HOW TO BE A PERFECT HUSBAND
- Help my friends with EVERYTHING. Make them jealous.
- ENCOURAGE your wife to spend your money.
- Carry hand sanitizer in your pockets, and actually use it.
- Just let her do your shopping.
- Don’t be afraid to clean, it’s not scary, and it’s probably all your mess.
- Rub her feet everytime you catch her not standing on them.
- Only participate in fights if you plan on having make-up sex.
- Say goodbye to your independence.
- Keep your nails manicured, and don’t let that black shit accumulate in the cracks of your hands.
- Fix stuff, and don’t fuck it up.
- Remember EVERYTHING, except for the moments where I’m wrong.
- Wash your hands. With SOAP AND WATER.
- Fold the laundry.
- If you have cold feet, don’t even bother getting into bed and touching me until you find a way to warm them up.
- Loosen jar lids without her seeing, so she thinks she’s strong.
- DON’T stand around in the kitchen when she’s cooking. If you’re in, you’re cooking.
- The garage is where you get to store your belongings, but make room for my car.
FYI, this is a joke. Topic chosen by Nats Newts (duh)
03
Jun
TWENTY-FIVE THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU’RE BORED
- Test your flexibility
- Creep people you don’t like on Facebook
- Text every friend in your contact list
- Have a nap
- Create a blog
- Make a list of things people should love about you
- Call somebody you know will be busy and see how long you can keep them on the phone
- iTunes shopping spree
- Take nudes that make you look more attractive
- Stare at yourself in the mirror
- Sharpen pencils
- Learn the lyrics to every song in your library
- Pluck instead of shaving
- Go smash something
- Pick fights on a chat room
- Start your Christmas list
- Watch birthing videos on YouTube
- Create abbreviations and acronyms for EVERYTHING
- Masturbate
- Look for holes in your clothes and mend them all
- Snort a noodle up your nose and try to pull it out of your mouth
- Count all your belongings
- See how many times you can write your name with a new pen until the ink runs out
- Create a second identity that makes you look like a better, more interesting person
- Make a macaroni picture